The Sincerity of your Eyes
by R is for Rebel
Summary: [Seifer x Zell, Zell POV, oneshot] Training sucks. It really does. But is it that bad, when your worst enemy, says he's always loved you...? I just wanted a freakin' hot dog!


**a/n:** I got bored at my mother's boyfriends house. So this is what became of it. Possibly a one-shot,  
I'm not entirely sure yet. We'll see how it goes. Quickly done, in about 3 hours, so don't expect  
it to be wonderful and beautiful.

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The Sincerity of your Eyes - by Fallacious (May 05/07)  
Seifer x Zell shounen-ai / mushy romance thing. Don't like that? Don't read it!  
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I've never fallen in love before.

I've never, kissed anyone, or stared in envy. I've never even dated someone before in my life, too shy to say anything and too timid to admit any minor feelings.

I don't think I've ever looked at anyone and said, "gee, I wish I had someone to wake up to." Sure, I've teased people about it, and yelled at people for acting like women were just whores, but I never would have figured I was gay.

Maybe that's why I never had feelings for anyone? Maybe I never felt the need to be sexually active, to be romantically committed, or say "I love you," "I like you," "Please date me." But, it happened, rather suddenly, rather out of the blue, when I finally realized it.

And it pissed me off, more than anything, to know that the person my heart ached for was the one that constantly berated me. Irony is amazing, isn't it?

I could never tell anyone. I didn't have anyone to tell. The only person I had ever done missions with as a SEED, was Squall, and our teacher Quistis. Everyone else was a minor distraction, I was too absorbed in my own little world (to be completely blunt) and always flying into the cafeteria to get hot dogs before they ran out. Maybe this was wrong, but what more did I have to do?

People made fun of me. Constantly mocked me. I fought with my fists and the knuckles, they fought with man-made weapons. I didn't know it was so wrong to rely on just yourself to take someone down; what happens when you lose that gun in your hand? When that sword you breathe through breaks? What then?

You'd have to break my arms and legs to stop me. Or tear them off. And either way, I'd be dead that way.

But...that one day...I realized...that I really was just being immature. I was running away from my true feelings. And I didn't want to do that anymore.

"Hey, chicken-wuss!"

I rose my head, blinking drowsily to see Seifer swinging up with his ever-cocky gaze. Grey trench coat swaying, gunblade tapping his shoulder, his blond hair short and strung up with a few bangs hanging over his face. A typical look, for his typical coy attitude. I admired him; I admired him more than I ever should. His broad shoulders, his strong neck, the way he sneered, the way he smirked, and the way he rarely smiled. I had never seen him laugh with joy, but only laugh with a distant mockery.

Blinking again, he stood right before me. Saying nothing, doing nothing, until he sighed, shaking his head at my unfamiliar confusion. I was half-asleep, completely confused with his sudden appearance. He moved forward, leaning, with one hand on top of the table, putting the gunblade down leaning against one of the metal poles. I rubbed my eyes to make sure he was actually there, to see his body sway and sit with unfamiliar grace beside me. I almost straightened my back in shock, shivers sliding down my spine to erect bumps across my skin.

"Gonna talk?" He asked, leaning forward with one elbow propped up on the table. I had fallen asleep in the cafeteria, tired from an excessive training session and confined down to eating only healthy foods. God, I missed the hot dogs.

"Uh...why...are you talking to me?" I twitched, plopping my chin back down onto the table's surface. My heart was beating too fast, my vision slightly blurry from being so abruptly awoken.

"Why not?" Seifer turned his gaze to me, which seemed to completely stop the beats inside of my chest with an abrupt urgency. Breathing became hard, yet not noisy, and concealing my sudden strangle was difficult. "Is something wrong?"

"Why do you care?" I growled, shooting up abruptly and instantly slinging up my right arm, middle finger standing straight at attention in his face.

"Pissy, aren't we," Seifer breathed, shaking his head with his usual disappointed glare. "I'm nice to you, I get bit, I'm mean, I get bit."

I blinked, lowering my arm to my side, then slumped back down. What did it matter? Arguing with him only made yourself, and him as well, more pissy. I felt like something was choking me, to spit out words, and for some reason, confused the hell out of me.

"Well?" Seifer leaned down, his hair shimmering with the golden color each strand bestowed. I watched for a moment, then looked forward, staring at the colorless gray walls in the dimly lit cafeteria. Why hadn't someone woken me up? Maybe that would have been less painful on my part, confronting him...alone...

"Nothing's _wrong_," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Nothing's never exactly _wrong_, I'm just _thinking_ about stuff. Do you ever do that?"

"Plenty of times," Seifer nodded. That didn't make me feel any better, to know that I do things just like him. But it gave me some form of a distant comfort. "More than I should, maybe. What were you thinking about, hot dogs?"

"No, my se-" I caught myself suddenly, glaring at him. "Why does it matter to you? Why the hell are you asking me? Nosy shit."

"Whoa whoa," Seifer laughed, putting his arms up in defense. "I'm only _curious_, don't go flailing your ego at me."

"**Who's** got an ego?" I growled, shaking my head with a furious twitch. "What the hell do you want?"

He was quiet. He said nothing, closing his eyes, a small tinge of red coming to his face. With a deep breath, he finally said "I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask me what?" I asked, laughing at him quietly. "How many pairs of pants did I wet? How many eggs did I lay? What kind of coy joke are you planning this time."

"Are you gay?"

I blinked. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to step on his face. I wanted to mash in his nose. I wanted to beat him down to the ground and make him eat the dirt, before swallowing a litre of grass and sand, along with a few worms.

"I don't know," I honestly replied, suppressing my rage.

"Bisexual?"

"I don't know."

"Have you ever loved a girl?" He was looking at me intently, as if trying to pry out the knowledge inside of my head.

"No."

He went silent again, saying nothing, doing nothing, never wanting to give away any of his emotions. Seifer seemed to be pondering my answers, not entirely knowing what it could mean, but finally said his last question. "Have you ever loved a man?"

"I've never loved anyone," I hissed, glaring at him. "I haven't felt what you say is 'love', and even if I do or did, I would never express it."

It took me a bit as a surprise, to be suddenly grasped by the shoulder as a comfort line. It shook that fear from me, and instantly calmed the surging feelings in my gut. It took me by surprised, and made me look at him with wide eyes.

And...that's exactly it.

That moment, I turned my face, to gaze at him. My body turned slightly, with his free hand grabbing my waist on the furthest side from mine. Seifer yanked me towards him with urgency, taking my shock to granted, and pressed his lips softly against mine.

As if by complete reflex, I melted in his arms. Absorbed in his warmth, my body seemed to become completely under his control. I returned his graceful embrace, only to be parted from his face too soon, his arm moving from my shoulder to stroke the side of my cheek. I threw my eyes down to stare at my feet then, uncontrollably excited.

"Is that's what's wrong?" He said softly, putting his forehead to mine. My face felt like it was on fire, my heart beating so fast it could have burst out of my chest, or exploded. I rose one of my slump hands, to touch my chest, feeling the beats against my rib cage. "You're so immature, giving the person you like hell. That's what little kids do."

"What do..." I rose my eyes, looking at him, to see a heartfelt smile. "You...l...o..."

"I care a lot, to the point of where women disgust me," Seifer whispered, bringing me across the bench to press up against him. Something...was rather wrong, about this whole ideal. Seifer was supposed to be my rival, my sworn enemy; like Squall, I hated him. I had sworn I hated him for the majority of my life, since the orphanage...since we came here to the Balamb Garden...since SEED training, since everything. But, to hear this...it was almost too much. "I care a ton more than you give me credit for. I love you, Almasy. God damnit, I love you."

"B-but," I gawked, weakly trying to push away. He kept me there firm, reassuring, and possessive. I shivered against him, but he refused to give up his grasp. "But we argue every day! You constantly tell me how much you hate me! how can yo-"

His lips collided with mine once more, twice as strong as last time. I was shocked for a moment, almost falling backwards, but said nothing against or for the action. He didn't want to explain with words; he didn't want to take the time to have to speak everything out and give me a implanted image. He wanted me to think. And, I did just that.

All those times, he made fun of me. I made fun of him too. Perhaps we were being a tad childish, covering up what we didn't know we felt with simplistic jests at one another. But, now, he was giving me every inch of information I needed in one sweet movement of his head towards mine; the warmth of his lips made me feel comfortable and at home, although I had never been there in his arms before.

A jerk of his body moved me off of my secured position to my back against the bench, his face looming over mine. I felt helpless and pinned, being completely smothered against him with his body weight directly over my pelvic bone. Lust burned in my head, and my genitals.

"S-Seifer..." I whispered, giving a weak whine as he took complete control over me. My shirt was slowly lifted up, body being caressed and touched with gentle movements that seemed far too caring from the famous bully who had ravaged my life from step one, to this.

"Seifer? Zell? What are you doing?"

Savior! The first time a familiar voice like that strung me as a heavenly tone.

Seifer's shoulders twitched into a surprised upraise, before he rose his head to look at who it was. He sneered then, as I reflexively scooted away from under him to sit at the one side of the bench quietly. It's not that, I couldn't cry out...it was that, I didn't _want_ to, I couldn't scream that Seifer had been taking advantage of me. That's when it hit me.

I loved the son of a bitch.

"Well?" Squall leaned in, his brown hair swaying, a flash light beam eliminating my face, before Seifer's, and back. I couldn't help but reach out, looking for Seifer's hand.

"_Adult_ things," he rebuked, grabbing my hand with reassurance. I blinked, then lowered my head, blushing again. Why did this feel so...weird? "Things way out of your reach, starbucks."

"Star- whatever, Seifer," Squall hissed. "The least you can do is do _whatever_ you were doing, out of my face."

"I don't recall doing anything to attempt to please you," Seifer grunted, giving his chin a gruff uprise. "What, are you jealous? I'm not one to share."

"Get out of here, before I get pissed off," Squall growled, moving his gunblade a tad in his hand. I hadn't noticed it, until it glowed a tad in the faint light. The flashlight's death-bright beam seemed to create a path towards the exit, and Squall pointed towards it with a vigorous scowl. It seemed to take a lot out of him to shove us off, like he was waiting for something.

Seifer took the invitation with pleasure, yanking my hand softly to urge me into standing. I did so, feeling the warmth of his palm fade away with a sudden jerk, as I followed the waves of his trench coat out into the hallways of the garden, leaving Squall to sulk with his flashlight.

The entire place was quiet. What time was it? I almost shivered, thinking about the fact that Seifer had randomly...wait.

"How did you know I was in the cafeteria?" I asked, blurting it out before stopping in front of the training grounds. I shivered, knowing that that damn T-Rex was still in there...

"Considering Selphie went screaming down the hall when you got in a fight with a T-Rexasaurus," Seifer sighed, nudging me away from the doorway. I was being led towards the student dormitories. "I figured you would be sleeping somewhere. And what do you like most?"

"Hot dogs!" I said reflexively, giving a manly arm pump. "But they were all sold out again..." Seifer laughed at this, stopping at my door.

"I won't be as friendly in front of the others, but..." Seifer sighed, looking away from me, blushing a bit. "I'll be a bit nicer." Closet fags, for the win!

"Okay!" I couldn't resist. I reached up, wrapped my arms around his neck, and hugged him. He returned it, resting his head on my shoulder, and, well.

That was my eventful night.

I still want those damn hot dogs...


End file.
